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Avenged Sevenfold: Nightmare

14/10/10 || Altmer

This album truly is a nightmare. The album’s opening is suitably epic, but then the vocals come in, and the riffs, and oh God… where have I ended up? The world of Metallica wannabes? Seriously, this first song is “Black Album” era Metallica to the core. You wanna know what I make of that? Get the fuck out, fuckos. Write your own goddamn music. When they aren’t writing bad music, they’re imitating Hetfield or Slash. Shadows, you are a crappy singer. Just so you know. Shut your drawly hellhole.

So, you’re asking, why are you bashing a band that has just gone through the tragic loss of their drummer? Do you not feel they need some support during hard times? The answer is: if the music sucks this badly, no. A band doesn’t deserve support if their output sucks fucking monkey balls, even if they’ve gone through personal trauma. I’m not here to review the people, I’m here to review the fucken CD. And if it sucks balls, like I say it does, then it sucks balls. You better listen to GD. We’ll come for you if you don’t.

I know, the music is all sugary and catchy at times. But – here it is – it’s not sugary in a good way. You know, like that extra bit of fruit sugar cherry on top of an excellent pie. This is bad sugar, like too many chocolate chip cookies in one day. Or a gigantic ton of prefab sugar poured onto a hideously sweet prefab donut. Too much sugar. It’s not even good radio rock/metal. I mean we all know the deal. There even are good radio rock metal bands. Stone Sour are one. Corey Taylor is a charismatic and fantastic singer. The material can be uneven, but they are still a good catchy unit in the proper sense of the word. They do this style right.

Avenged Sevenfold, however, are an irritating band. And I don’t fucken like irritating bands. You wanna know what I think? Those guitarists are clearly a set of talented cunts. Why aren’t they doing something with it? Why aren’t they playing something interesting instead of reruns of old heavy metal, bad 80s hair metal, something akin to power metal. Really. Go do something useful.

Even recruiting Mike Portnoy on drums can’t save this turd of a record. You wanna know what I think? Portnoy, get your ass back to Dream Theater fast. You are wasting your talent on some excruciatingly shitty music. You fit better in Dream Theater. Holy fuck, this is one of the biggest mainstream boluses ever recorded. A nightmare indeed… if you, like me, are subjected to listening to it. Fucken wow and fucken die.

Recommendation: Send Mike Portnoy back to where he belongs, and after that happens, a horde of violent bats to suck your blood dry and leave you where you belong. In a fucken graveyard. Die.

2,5

Information
Released: 2010
Label: Warner Bros
Website: www.avengedsevenfold.com
Band
M. Shadows: vocals
Zacky Vengeance: guitars
Synyster Gates: guitars
Johnny Christ: bass
Mike Portnoy: drums
A lot of useless people: a lot of other useless additions to a shitty album

Tracklist
01. Nightmare (the album)
02. Welcome to the Family of Diseased Mongoloid Idiots
03. Danger Line (crossed with the release of this album)
04. Buried Alive (should be the band’s punishment)
05. Natural Born Killer (me after witnessing the album)
06. So Far Away From Anything Resembling Good Music
07. God Hates Us (no wonder with such an album)
08. Victim (of AIDS)
09. Tonight the World Dies, And We Die With It Thankfully For The Universe
10. Fiction, Or What I Want This Album To Be
11. Save Me (from this shitty album)

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